Wasted
My whole life
I tried to prove
My love to God
By giving up everything
It was a trick
Of the devil
To convince me
I was worthy of the martyr’s crown
My faith journey
Has resulted in a dead end
Looking back
Only to see a series of wrong turns
Faith was a delusion
Of my mind
To trick me
Into thinking I was something special
My whole life
I’ve buried my talent
Like a dog hiding a bone
Wishing no one else to have it but forgetting where it lay
Like waiting for the rapture
I’ve wasted my time
Dreaming of the future
And lamenting the past
Why am I repenting for being sick
Without trying to be well
Hoping to reach heaven
By way of hell
Why do we seek the living
Among the dead?
We can’t find healing
where we have been wounded
My whole life
I tried to prove
My love to God
By giving up everything
Missing the resurrection
While fixating on the cross
Too far from the tomb
To hear the angel say “He is risen!”
If the purpose of life on earth
Is simply to prepare us for heaven
Then everything loses its meaning
The only logical end is a mass suicide
If we’re always preparing to die
We will never live
If we never live
It is as if we were never born
__
2 July 2019
3:00 PM
I tried to prove
My love to God
By giving up everything
It was a trick
Of the devil
To convince me
I was worthy of the martyr’s crown
My faith journey
Has resulted in a dead end
Looking back
Only to see a series of wrong turns
Faith was a delusion
Of my mind
To trick me
Into thinking I was something special
My whole life
I’ve buried my talent
Like a dog hiding a bone
Wishing no one else to have it but forgetting where it lay
Like waiting for the rapture
I’ve wasted my time
Dreaming of the future
And lamenting the past
Why am I repenting for being sick
Without trying to be well
Hoping to reach heaven
By way of hell
Why do we seek the living
Among the dead?
We can’t find healing
where we have been wounded
My whole life
I tried to prove
My love to God
By giving up everything
Missing the resurrection
While fixating on the cross
Too far from the tomb
To hear the angel say “He is risen!”
If the purpose of life on earth
Is simply to prepare us for heaven
Then everything loses its meaning
The only logical end is a mass suicide
If we’re always preparing to die
We will never live
If we never live
It is as if we were never born
__
2 July 2019
3:00 PM