At Eternity's Gate

I tried to write a great love story
But no words can express what can only be lived
Children understand more than we do
They run through the front yard into the street with no shoes on
They fear nothing in the moment
And they remember everything good

I sip my coffee as I look out the kitchen window
There is a hopeful sadness in the air
A sorrow overshadowing me like a guardian angel
Telling me love is not lost in the time that has passed
It has simply been mistaken for something else
And it still remains to be felt

I keep waiting for life to begin
Now death seems imminent
I never embraced childhood for wanting to be an adult
Ironically I never grew up and remained a child
I dreamed I would become something one day
Now I know I am nothing
I feel neither old nor young
I am sick but alive to the world unseen

I am tormented by a peace I cannot sustain
It is real and indescribable
Ruined by others I resent and seek vengeance upon
But later forgive and love more than myself
It is not the Word made flesh but the flesh made divine
That compels me to forsake holiness for transcendence
Later to throw away for the one thing necessary

I am always reflecting while others enjoy what can never satisfy me
It is enough to suffer in order to be one with them
It is never too late but you can never go back
Even if time stood still nothing would last forever
Why do I remain on the cross even after the resurrection?
I wanted to be a saint but God made me an artist

18 March 2019
4:45 PM